I thought I was doing fine, most days I can sort of ignore everything that is getting me down. That is, of course, if nothing new goes wrong. Like waking up and realizing we have no coffee. Really? Should this put me in a full body funk for the entire day? Probably not. But it's almost noon, and I am still fighting the urge to do absolutely nothing all day and go back to bed. I can't even muster up the motivation to GO out and get some coffee. (even though I can easily walk to a starbucks from here.) I feel like crying. again. Pathetic.
Really, most of the time I do feel like I am doing okay moving forward. Maddie is a great distraction at almost 2 years old. Potty training, keeping the house clean, trying to keep up with my work...I've never been so happy for distractions. When you are distracted, it doesn't matter how bad you feel. There's just no time to dwell on anything. I told my sister a few days ago that I want to be done grieving. It seems like a long list of things I have to do to get it right, so I just wanted to opt out of all of that and move on. I would rather just ignore the fact that I am so angry and so sad all of the time. I want to stop replaying everything in my head at night instead of sleeping.
And mostly, today, I want to not be out of coffee. Damn it.
